牛奶棒糖的快乐日子

其实很多时候很多事情我没有办法让所有人理解。于是误会就不断产生。

太多的事情不想说，可是却不得不说，太多的事情不想做，却不得不做。

做人就是很麻烦。却又不得不故作潇洒。真虚伪！

This is the first week of new semister and it’s nearly finished as well. Time runs fast. I found that I have lots of things to tell. But I don’t know how to or what can I say. I feel really tired now. Hope next week will be fine~

Have you ever tried that ur eyes always full of tears. I feel that now. I don’t know how can I stop it. Coz I always feel like nearly cry.

Still not feel good today.

It’s the 1st day back to uni. The best part is to see all these friends in the class. But don’t know why still not happy. Maybe like Audry said today, u can pretain happy on ur face but not ur heart. I’m not happy! Really!

从上个星期就想去Wollongong,可是大家都在忙,忙工作,忙睡觉.而我,也在忙,只不过是在忙着感伤.从小到大都没有这么难受过.昨天听到她说,我从来都没有这么难过.我想我又何尝不是呢?

真的是很难笑了.无时无刻都在感伤着.真的是还有4天就结束了吗?我真的希望是这样.可是,谁又知道呢?

拜完佛了，觉得一切都轻松了好多。以为自己很平静，可是还是忍不住在那边哭了。那个解签的师傅递给我一张面巾纸，告诉我，其实我什么也帮不上忙。我所能做的，只是做好我自己。

回程的路上，觉得好轻松。忍不住的对着司机的反光镜玩起来了。

刚才在电台里面看到了周五聚会的照片.好漂亮哦.每个人看起来都好开心,好团结.呵呵,真虚伪.为什么人们会这样虚伪呢?我总是在想为什么自己会变得这么虚伪.很多人告诉我这是一个人的成长过程.我总是在想,如果这样我宁愿不长大.可是我怎么可以拒绝成长呢?生活在这样的一个世界,很多事是我们身不由己的.呵,真的是无奈.

我和SUSAN好开心!

笑玫老师叫上我去台上演节目,她说绕口令,要我来学.结果100%成功率.结果轮到我说,她学时,她就没说就拉我下去了.呵呵!看这些照片拍的我好不自然哦.觉得自己一定是在害羞.天啊.害羞这词用来形容我还真是别扭!看这些照片,我都在干什么啊?掳胳膊,挽袖子的!天啊!

昨天晚上和SURE还有HUNTER出去吃饭时,餐厅放着那英的歌曲.我说:"歌曲好伤感哦!"SURE说:"是因为人伤感,所以才会觉得歌伤感."我想她是对的.刚才听到G在节目中放的几首歌,觉得好伤感.眼泪都要流下来了.不过,最后只是推门从直播间里面走了出来.

有的时候真的很恨自己!明明知道答案可是还是忍不住想要确认,确认后的结果就是自己很受伤!我现在知道答案了,可是除了掉眼泪,还有什么办法.

P.S.我的$19MILLION的梦想彻底破灭了!呵呵,和想象中一样.

真的很难控制自己的情绪.当自己以为好起来的时候,很多东西又会来侵袭.

今天相当的难过.试图去躲避,可是还是躲不过.抱着电话不停的在哭.眼泪真的就好象停不下来了.泪水就这样流着,好象要把这么多年的泪水全补偿回去.又好象是韩剧中的女主角,哭起来没完没了.感觉真的是不太像自己.为什么会有这么多的眼泪?还是自己真的很难过?

G在电话中问我是不是哭了?又问我为什么哭.我不停的说没事没事.又忍不住的哭起来.他问我到底怎么了.我简单的说了最基本的理由.可是越说越难过,忍不住抱着电话大哭起来.真的是无法控制了.说来也是奇怪,来澳洲3年多以来,一共也没大哭过几次,可是在他面前或者是打电话时就有了两次.而且每次都是那么伤心.拥有好朋友真的是个很幸福的事.

妈妈今天在电话中说,上次她去SURE那边给我送衣服时,和SURE的妈妈聊天,SURE的妈妈跟她说:"哦,阁阁真的很懂事哦,每天早早起来去打工."妈妈说,她听完就忍不住哭了.我也哭了,因为我想尽办法瞒着家里,不想让他们担心,可是最后他们还是知道了.我不想家里为我担心.每个人都已经有很多麻烦事,有很多事情要担心.可是我又成了他们担心的又一个麻烦.心里真的很内疚.

今天哭了那么久,后来还是睡觉去了.因为睡觉是一个最好的逃避办法.在梦中,所有人都是平等的.没有人会拥有所有甜蜜的梦.也没有人会一直恶梦.

晚上SURE问我S是不是真的LIKE K,我说是,可是根本就是不可能有结果的.SURE说他们不是好朋友吗?我说,他们是好朋友,可是却不可能会继续发展,因为友情和爱情不同.她问是因为S不够真心吗?我说不是,是因为S没品位.SURE说,那可是慢慢的帮他培养啊.我说,根本就不喜欢怎么去慢慢培养?

生活就这样继续着,没有什么异样,最异样的就是仍然在倒霉着.我也不知道为什么自己最近会这么倒霉.感觉自己现在仍然没有勇敢面对.而是逃避着,一直逃避着.

突然觉得自己好象从来都是在逃避.前几天晚上做了一个梦.梦见自己在一个电梯里面,不断的在逃.而有人又在不断的追我.我躲过好多次,最后一次最危险,在我们向电梯外面看的时候,竟然有一只手伸进来,还拿了一把枪.就在最紧急的情况下,后面有人把坏人的手枪指向电梯里的灯.于是,惊醒,故事结束了,应该是躲过了劫难.觉得好象是在寓意我,一切危难最终都会结束.

    太阳一样会升起!

最近也有些开心的事情发生.GORDON终于回悉尼了.上个星期台长给了我和电台的高航两张FREE TICKET去看<大漠敦煌 >.

前天我们还去了EDMUND的家.好漂亮的房子,他的家人也很NICE哦.让我觉得和妈妈住一起真的很开心.他真的好幸福.我对他说:"你们家的房子好漂亮哦!"他说:"还好吧!只是太大了!"我笑了笑说:"呵呵,这个世界就是这样,你住着漂亮的大房子,可是却埋怨它太大了.可是一些穷人却不得不住在小的房子里面."他说其实他挺喜欢小房子的.我问是不是因为可以觉得很温暖.他笑了,说他曾经住过APARTMENT,觉得很喜欢.

我也不知道自己喜欢住什么样的房子.大概和住什么样的房子没有什么太大的关系吧,最重要的是和什么样的人一起住.看着EDMUND撒娇一样的挡着他妈妈的去路.我真的觉得好幸福哦!他的姐姐对他也好好.会在PROJECT DUE之前一晚帮他赶功课.而他却去睡觉.呵呵,和家人在一起,真的是最幸福的事!

那天我们玩的好开心.大家都喝的不少.后来还玩了麻將.玩之前我们在讨论谁会玩.AOB和ALEX都不会,EDMUND问我会不会.我说我只会最基本的.学了好多年,终于在前一阵子学会了.可是不知道为什么自己总是赢.当时看到他们不屑的笑容.可是后来除了一圈我出了点小小的错误之外,我一直都在赢着.真的很奇怪.可能是因为最近太倒霉了.所以偶尔在一些无关紧要的地方给点小小的补偿吧!

  三年前，我以为那样的一个时间会是我生命中最难以忘记的黑色日子。可是，现在我才知道，原来荆棘遍布人生。这一次的困难是我无能为力的。

周日的一整天，我都觉得该是开心的。可是我一直就觉得有想哭的感觉。后来，我才知道，原来世上的事都没有什么是无缘无故的。

周一的 早上，当我打了电话之后，眼泪就难以停止下来。我一路走，一路哭着，顾不上路人的眼光，顾不上自己承诺不要哭泣，顾不上一切的一切。

这个世界就是这样，很多想拥有的人往往得不到。得到的人却往往不珍惜。为什么不可以BALANCE一点呢？

到底要沮丧到什么时候，到底所有的问题要出麻烦到什么时候啊？

到底是怎么了，这个世界怎么回这样呢？甚至让我真的不知所措。

最近发生了太多的事情，每一件都很戏剧化，不同的是，戏里面总是以喜剧结局，现在看来发展到现在还是不是很顺利。我真希望是个喜剧结局。我不短的发短信，去安慰，去鼓励，去增强别人的自信心。可是我自己呢？我真的不知道自己能不能挺过去。我在短信中说：“谁都不可以放弃！”在鼓励别人的同时，可能也某种程度的鼓励我自己。我真的是怕任何一个人放弃！如果放弃了，我这一生就彻底改变了！我没有办法接受这样的事实。真的，所以希望任何人都不要高估我的承受能力。真的，拜托！

朋友们都一直在问我怎么了，是因为什么事，可是事情的累计会让人崩溃的。我不想说，也不能说，更说不清楚。可是我真的不知道该怎么办好了。星期一我以为自己想到了绝妙的主意。后来我才发现，自己真的很龌龊。世界上最坏的人可能都比不上我。口口声声说什么在乎朋友，口口声声说自己有做人的原则，可是那天什么都忘了，好在也只是想想。如果真的做了，相信不仅是当事人的另一方，相信我自己都永远不会原谅我自己。所以拜托自己将来做任何事之前都有原则性的想一想！

我现在到底在做什么？试图忘记悲伤，忘记沮丧。实际上就是在逃避。和朋友们PARTY的时候，我是笑着的，可是没人的时候呢？我可以清楚的感觉到睡着的我流在枕边的泪。我甚至都在怀疑，这到底是不是我啊？所有的人都说我很坚强。我是很坚强，但是这一次，我真的觉得很无助。我想他们也和我一样吧。

HARRY曾经说过：“能用钱解决的问题就不是真正的问题！”虽然我不喜欢他，但是我现在真的觉得这句话很对。我现在真的觉得钱真TMD什么都不是。

刚刚在看韩剧《女高中生结婚记》里面的女主角林恩京长的很像老死。她小时侯算命先生说她命中注定要在16岁前嫁给男主角。否则，就会死。所以她每天都在对死亡的恐惧中度过。

死亡真的很恐怖，一个人死了，就再也没有办法眷恋这个令人难以舍弃的尘世了。为什么有那么多人有勇气选择离开，却没有勇气生存下来呢？我觉得选择死亡的勇气要更大些吧！不是吗？这个世界虽然不是处处都美好，但至少每个人都还有眷恋吧。怎么可以说离开就离开呢？

电影的结尾看不到了，留下了一个悬念．

就在我最难过的那天下午，媛媛发短信问我：“阁阁，你现在的梦想是什么？”我当时心里特别难过，我想都这个时候了，我还有什么梦想。我什么都不想，就希望我的家人和朋友可以幸福平安的生活。这就够了，即使用我的全部去换，我都会同意。可是谁会听我的呢？！

前几天，突然想配音．如果有机会一定要尝试一下～配我喜欢的电影．虽然我每次都喜欢听原声，但是我认为是因为想要那份真实感．如果有一天我可以配出有真实感的电影，那有多好！？

如果有谁心情不好的时候，一定要看悲剧，这样的话，就可以让眼泪随意的流了．真的是好主意哦！

P.S.photos from Sunday Opara House

Susan,我和小叶

我和Susan

小梦，孙乔，我和高航

孙乔，吴霞，我和 Susan

我和孙乔在麦当劳

高航和我（被戏称为订婚照的小眼睛对比照片）

I just found this from a BBS, all these dogs are prepared for a restaurant. After, they will be die and people will have some " yummy" food. So crawl.<狗肉店待宰的狗－看完你还忍心吃狗肉？>

都说狗是人类最好的朋友，印度洋海啸灾难中忠狗救人的事也屡见不鲜，可是，在食客们的眼中呢，那不过是一锅红烧肉，狗们被关在狭窄的铁笼里等待宰杀，从它们的眼神里，我看不到无助、哀伤，只看到承受和对人类的可怜。

看到的时候，他们没有哀求，只是默默的，默默的看着……

每双眼睛里，有的只是无奈。从头到尾，我都在想：他们知道等待他们的是怎样的一种命运吗？我宁可他们不明白……

狭窄的笼子里，他们互相依靠着……

实在不了解当他们目送自己的同伴走上这不归路的时候，是个怎样的心情。可我知道，他们留给我的是一种沉痛。

我不知道自己能为他们做些什么，只好将手放在他脸边，给于他一点点的安慰，也许这些他已经不再需要了，没有了自由，没有了生命，一切于他们都没有了意义……

I feel so sad about that. But I can’t help. Now, I want to find a volunteer for the animal refuge again. But I’m not sure is it will be like last time or not. Last time, I feel really sad, coz I know that I can hear the cry, I can feel the pain.

http://gzbbs.163.com/readboardthread.php?forumcode=96&postid=349941

Haha~ I just eat Pad Thai. so yummy!

Today is not a bad day. I did nothing~ But don’t feel bad.

I met some of my friends. And met some one who I would like to met. But the one doesn’t looks happy. I don’t know what’s happened, but hope he will be fine. Now I know where he live. Sophie said lets go to his shop to buy something. I said that I don’t want to. Why? Coz I just want to have one more friend, but if I always like follow him, it will be so annoy~ So just see what’s going on. Maybe one day we will be good friends.

Alice, what’s ur ideal holiday?

Sleeping~

-_-||

Why I love sleeping so much???? Why?

I’m going out tonight~ And I have to go to opera house tomorrow  for the stage management~ hehe~ should be fun~

Today is not too bad. I finished my design exam now. Even that’s not good, but I’m not worried about it.

Last night, Gordon rang me, he told me that his problem had be fixed up. But his mum still not happy with it. And lots of complain. I think it should be fine. Hehe, very happy with that. Hope everything will be fine. No more problems.

Andri call me last night, when I left uni on the bus. He saw me walked toward to the bus, he was on the bus from city to home. Hehe, Adam call me last night told me that he saw me on the street the other day. But he was so angry and not say hello to me. So many people saw me everywhere. Is it coz I always on the street or coz so many friends or coz I’m so different on the street? I don’t know.   I just keep walking, keep searching, but all the people I met are not the one I’m looking for. All the things happened are my unrespect reward. That’s better than nothing. Is it?

I talk to Yuanyuan the other day, she said it’s so difficult to be a human. I do think so. The new girl in our coffee shop is good. That’s what I think. But the other girl and the coffee maker don’t think so. They think she always laugh and nothing funny. But I think that’s coz she is friendly. Laugh is better than cry. Is it? B4, the other girl never smile to the customers, boss said that’s not good. But now, the girl did well, but still not right for others. Why?

Now, the relationship between me and the coffee maker is not that tension and bad. But I still not sure is it coz he want to be nice to me or he still nasty as b4. But it doesn’t matter. I just try my best to be nice to everyone. Or maybe coz I gave him a Chinese bread the other day. And he could feel that I’m friendly. I don’t know. It make be feel much better. It make me feel that not so many people hate me. Coz nothing seriously wrong with me.

Last night, so many friends call me, but seems like everyone not happy. I’d like to talk to my friends when they not happy, coz I could try my best to let them feel better. But it should be better if the sad thing was not happen.

A. One of my best friend in Beijing. She lost so many friends in one day. ( If they are really her friends)  People did so bad thing to her. She asked me, " Do you trust that I haven’t done the bad thing as they think?" I answered," Of course I trust you, even they all left you. They don’t trust you maybe coz they don’t really know you , couldn’t understand the real you."

B. The relationship between him and mum was tensioned. Worried about his visa, his credit card, his future. Worried about too much. He said, the other nite, he was so worried and could not sleep. Then he gave up and told mum all the truth, then he could went to sleep but mum could not. See, mum always the person who care about you most.

C. Have a lonely nite, need me to talk. But I was on the phone and prepare the exam today. But the phone had been cut off. Then I can’t contact her. Not that serous but I feel not good about that. I would like to be with friends whenever they need help.

D. Angry with the stupid boss. The reason is about his friend.  We haven’t finished talking, but he got another phone call. Then he said he’ll call me back later. But I was falling in sleep and he’s not calling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louisa told me that Sarah’s Korea friend had been dead couple of days ago. ( The day was really windy) Coz she cross the road when the yellow light flashed. A bus just passed. Then car crashed. I can’t believed it. It sounds so bad.  Sometimes, when friends cross road with yellow or red lights flashed, I just said," Don’t!" and sometimes just followed. I used to think about that " we could wait for the couple of second to keep the policy." But never think that seriously. Can people think about that if they cross they will be die? I don’t think so. Could not be done. Louisa said that the Korea girl’s family could not get any money coz the girl’s fault. But what I think money is nothing after a life die. She said," it’s better than nothing." But think about what’s the money for when the family lost the only child. So sad story.

I think I hear so many dramatic thing yesterday.